50 things you should not do with the tardis.

I am not allowed to substitute humping for stroking.
Not ask if the “sonic screwdriver” is really an anal probe.
Every time I enter I will not keep repeating “omg its bigger on the inside”
Not charge admission to enter.
Ask the doctor if he is also bigger on the inside.
Ask where the dungeons are located.
Say that’s its really just a square blue dalek.
Paint it pink.
Call it mother.
It is not a public toilet and I shall not treat it as one.
Sell it on eBay.
Ask where the room is that all the old companions stuff is in.
Remove parts and see what happens.
Park it on double yellows.
Attempt a world record and see how many people will fit inside.
“The love box” is not the correct term for reference to the tardis.
Crack is not an acceptable replacement for a trip in the tardis.
The tardis is not crack itself.
I am not allowed to reinact the gut buster scene from alien at the dinner table.
I will not start a “when’s a dalek going to tern up” betting pool.
Show Hitler what its technology could do for his career.
Invite the doctors ex companions to tea.
Little daleks are not running the tardis and I should not scare the doctor by telling him so.
Fill it with cake no matter how much the doctor would like it.
Dance better then the doctor.
It is a bad idea to tell a ciberman that he takes himself to seriously.
Land it upside down.
Start an annual dalek tea party day.
Use it to gain world domination.
There is not a show called “pimp my time machine” and I can not enter the tardis in it.
Pimp it out west coast style.
I shall not absorb the time space continuum from it just to get high.
Store histories most famous in it and charge them rent.
I am not allowed to replace the whooping noise with the dixe horn.
I am not allowed to give it my own theme tune.
I am not allowed to enter it in robot rumble.
I did not find any gimp stuff in its closet.
Set it on vibrate.
It is not a giant ipod in anyway shape or form.
Smurfs are not welcome anytime just because it is also blue.
It is not a good idea to paint a sign saying “alien craft right here torchwood!” and stand it next to the tardis.
There is no window to moon out of and I should not attempt to make one.
Show torchwood the home entertainment cinema in it.
Call it “The love machine”
Use it for criminal purposes.
Tern it into a transformer.
Ask the doctor “so what else can this piece of crap do?”
I must not tell the doctor the he is its bitch.
It is not the death star.
I did not invent it and therefore should not be paid royalty every time it goes anywhere.